Ahhh, Foucault, please release me!

My problem is that I have difficulties in refining my thought process. I need to revise and make myself understood. How do I do this without compromising my own expression?


Here is a (craptastic) essay written for University Freshman English on Michel Foucault's "Panopticism." Care to have a go at it?


Instictively Controlled


At first glance, the Panoptic method –that is, an “all-seeing”- method of control appears to rule over a society via an ingrained –to the point of being unnoticeable—fear of repercussion. In other words, people adhere to laws and social norms for want of anonymity from government-hired officials such as law enforcement. They feel that if they draw attention to themselves, they will forever be under the scrutiny of the law.
In truth, Panopticism is not so much a method of out and out obvious control, but a much subtler form of mental mutation. Outwardly, Panopticsm, is an “all-seeing”, control through fear method. This is, on a surface level, true. There is a certain amount of apprehension at the thought of someone in a position of power watching your every move. In turn, this apprehension dissolves into the need to adhere to laws and societal norms so as not to stand out. To avoid drawing any more attention to oneself than is strictly necessary. That is essentially the goal of Panoptic control. However, once again, this is only it’s surface value. The real beauty—and it is amazingly beautiful, a veritable symphony of subtleties—of Panopticism is the thousands ofsublimina messages positively radiating from it’s surface appearance.
Panopticism manipulates us through the initial apprehensive reluctance to deviate. When one thinks about this apprehension simply, one naturally associates it with ‘fear.’ From there the thought progression is automatically ‘ control through fear.” Which is true; Initially.
It is correct to say that Panopticism begins as control through fear of consequence. As the mind experiences and becomes accustomed to the fear (apprehension), tone slowly begins to lose their awareness of it. The fear and subsequent societal compliance become internalized to the point where we no longer realize that we are being controlled. We accept it simply as the way things are.
It is in this way that panopticism prevails as the world’s primary method of control. Because “the individual is carefully fabricate,” (24) mentally mutated to fid a specified role in society, no one thinks to question life as they see it. This is the ideal situation for a government; a country full of impressionable ‘children’ ready to be shaped into perfect citizens.
There is fault with panopticism, however. The theory, while it takes in mankind’s need for a certain amount of uniformity, it fails to account for humanitiy’s natural tendency to reject too much control. This is called social deviance. This deviance, this refusal to adhere, is the downfall of Panopticisms anonymous control. Those who deviate are able to think more clearly about their social situation and call into question society’s mindless following of the fold. This anonymity is the absolute root of true Panopticism. People who don’t know they are being controlled can be so without fail.
However, fotunately for practitioners of Panopticism, it’s brainwashing is thorough and those under it’s control view the free thinking deviants as just that – deviants. Troublemakers and radicals who refuse to stay in sync with the supposed natural order of things into question, it instead reinforces the group mind-set, working to reinforce and define society as it is known instead of deconstructing it.
When thought about in these terms, we come to realize that Panopticism has ceased existence as a separate, controlling entity. Panopticism has become society. They are one in the same and can only be thought of separately at the initial implementation when mankind first became organized under a ruler of some kind. In other words, Panopticism has been in effect and defined humanity right from the very beginning. All we, as curious beings, can do is realize what is happening and study the way it has shaped and altered social order.
At first glance, Panopticism appears to be an affront the every moral we as humans posses. The thought of being controlled so thoroughly mortally offends everyone of us. But in realizing the depth of the panoptic effect, the blow is softened. How can we be offended by humanity’s natural way of life?